Fostering can change lives for the better – find out more about getting involved
This is a long read feature:
Linda Brown and Jane Oliver exude calm.
They seem like patient and kind ladies and make those around them feel at ease.
They are both foster carers in West Berkshire.
But so is Carl Abery. He is 27 and spent most of his childhood in foster care. He admits he was a bit of a handful as a youngster.
Now, he is determined to give back and shares his home with an older teenager offering sheltered accommodation.
These are their stories.
LINDA
Linda has been a foster carer for 18 years. She has three children of her own, now grown up. And they have an extended family tree of around 100 foster brothers and sisters who have had the care and attention of their mother.
“It’s the best thing you can do, to realise someone needs your help and that you can help them to a good life," she says.
“I still have contact with the very first child I had who has children of her own now.”
She says some of her former charges quite often phone with a question – even some of the birth parents keep in touch.
“It is lovely to see children enjoy things you might have introduced them to," she adds. "We have a lot to do with horses and some of those children have kept that interest.”
Linda first started fostering 18 years ago when her own children were three, six and 10.
“I come from a large family, and a family that fostered," she adds. "I’ve grown up with fostering. I will foster all age ranges and have had unaccompanied asylum seeker children from Eritrea, Afghanistan and so on.
"Also teenagers with a lot of different problems. I enjoy the challenge and making the connection.
“I’ve loved mentoring a mum, dad and baby to help parents to know how to parent.”
She says alcohol abuse, drug abuse, homelessness are reasons why children need fostering, and that their parents need help too.
“They have not been parented themselves, so they need help,” she says.
But she says setting boundaries is the key.
“You set boundaries and are very open and honest about things," she adds. "I just say that doesn’t happen here.
“Your house learns to adapt to different needs. Locked doors, and valuables locked away on some occasions, but the majority are not like that all the time.
“We say ‘no’ frequently to the council as we don’t think we are right for the child. I have to consider what is going on in the house and the other children.
"Violence is the biggest issue for me. We see more aggression these days. The courses we go on are massively helpful and the back up is superb.
“Teenagers will sometimes throw at us that we are being paid to make a point, but once you build up those relationships it becomes less of an issue.
“We just have to find a way to show them there is a different way and a different reaction to things.”
But what happens when the child leaves?
“It can be hard, but we often stay in touch,” explains Linda.
“In later life children will access their records and find out what happened to them,” adds Keith Langley, who heads the fostering unit at the council.
“Birth parents can be unhappy with the decisions but ultimately most birth parents are pleased to get some help.”
CARL
Carl has been in the foster care system since he was three in West Berkshire.
“I was there for abuse and neglect,” he explains. “I was with the same family from the age of six to 23. They were just amazing. Mine was a fortunate experience. They were incredible.
“Foster carers gave me a time to come in, to go to bed and to read before bed. For me from six ’til 17 I got some boundaries and then I was treated like an adult.
“We were well looked after. Better than some children who aren’t in foster care.
“I was still working out my issues and was a bit of trouble at school.
“It was very good if you had a good upbringing. But maybe not great to deal with someone like me with issues. But I did ok at school although I wasn’t there much and got excluded. I wasn’t good; I was a cheeky chappy – rude and petulant looking back at it.
“I was good at home though and my foster mum always used to wonder why I could be good at home and bad at school.
“I had contact with my parents from about 14 years old. I could see them whenever I wanted.
“Mum has been unstable the whole of my life but dad was stable from that age."
Carl has been working since the age of 17, first as a lifeguard at Northcroft Lido and as a fitness manager.
He has now branched out with his brother and a martial arts instructor and has his own business working with vulnerable children and youth offending teams called Fight for Fitness at a gym in Battery End.
“I want to inspire young people,” he says. “I want to make homeless people employable. I’m looking at developing my business to do training provision now.”
A social worker suggested he think about offering sheltered accommodation to another young person.
Sheltered accommodation is different to foster care. The 16-21 age group are here, still not ready to live on their own.
“I have a mortgage and a spare room,” explains Carl.
“I have offered the room to a 17-year-old girl.
“If she takes on what I say to her now and gets on with her life well, then I'd be a very happy man. I’d like to change more peoples lives for the better.”
JANE
Jane Oliver, from Andover Road in Newbury has three of her own children, aged nine, 12 and 14.
“I have a corporate background in finance as a chartered accountant, but was never fulfilled with the job," she says. "I took redundancy with my second child.
“Also I lost my own mum and it made me reassess what life is all about. I wanted work which allowed me to be home for my children.
“The training doesn’t feel intrusive… and it does touch on your own experiences. Then you go to the next level and are assigned a social worker and you go into your own life story - even your own parents’ parenting skills. It can be quite emotional reading the report at the end. But you learn a lot about yourself.
“We always discussed it with the children though, and if it became too difficult for them then we would stop.
"They have learned a lot from it themselves. They are more empathetic and have a better understanding of how fortunate they are. My eldest daughter is now volunteering for a charity which supports children with physical and mental issues.
“I am constantly learning – both to do my job and to be a better parent.
"It is a really positive experience, but there are times when it is hard…there are times when it felt like I can’t give as much to my own children.
“The best times are when a child speaks to you in a sentence and says ‘I love you Jane’ when they were only screaming on the floor before. And they are smiling and enjoying themselves.
“When you are working so hard and getting nowhere it is hard. It’s good working with the younger children as their brains are still developing and the child will take that positive experience forward.
“Consider if it is something you are able to do to make a difference to someone who needs a stepping stone.
"It is hard letting go sometimes. We have stayed in touch with the first child we have looked after. It is great to see he is doing well.”
CHALLENGES TO THE SYSTEM
The long term impacts of the Covid pandemic appear as wide as they are long.
But one lasting effect in particular is affecting the fostering service.
More people now work at home, so fewer people have a spare room.
And that is one of the stipulations to become a foster carer.
“People are willing to do it but the issue is the spare room,” explains Sandra Bailey, a family support worker in West Berkshire.
“More people are working from home, and children are staying at home longer because of the cost of living crisis. The younger generation coming through are finding it harder to buy bigger houses.”
Foster carers do not need to be married, heterosexual or in a relationship, and they do not have to be a home owner or have children of their own.
You can even have a criminal record, as long as the offences are minor and do not relate to a crime against children or a sexual offence.
You do, however, need to be over 18 and live in a home where you can provide a bedroom for each child you foster.
But most needed are resilience, time, calmness, patience and stability.
West Berkshire is now trying to recruit more foster carers. It has 12 children currently looking for foster families.
It is now keen to hear from people who can offer weekend respite or even holiday cover if they can’t commit to full time fostering.
“In last 18 months we have seen an increase in children in care… and more younger children subject to care proceedings…. Covid and lockdown are certainly to blame here," explains Keith Langley, team manager of the family placement team.
“Two years ago if I had a referral for a baby I would have six carers. Now I don’t.
"Referrals come through to us from family safeguarding teams.
“The reasons children need fostering can range from neglect, abuse, parental substance abuse, bereavement, parents’ mental health, even parents with learning disabilities, family dysfunction… relationship issues. Sometimes parents even come and ask if a child can be fostered.
“Everyone is considered an emergency when they come to us. We explore the options with the family first, and see if members of the family network can" look after the children, eg grandma, granddad.
“Quite often the children are still at home until we can place them in foster care."
Children under 16 will go to foster carers, with 16 plus children going to supported lodgings.
“Child assessment information is given to us by children’s social workers who have a picture of the child’s needs, risk factors, and so on," he adds.
“Then we look at who we have available and who has the right level of approval.”
There are 31 children out with independent fostering agencies. Which is a more expensive option than the council foster service.
Foster carers get allowances for the age range of children they look after. Typically, a teenager in West Berkshire will have a fostering allowance of £404 - but with private agencies that can be more than £1,000 a week. Some can be specialist agencies, dealing with children with more specific needs. In one case, West Berkshire is paying £22k a week.
There are 88 foster families registered with West Berkshire Council.
There are 186 children in care with 107 of those in house foster placements.
It has 79 children in Supported Lodgings, Independent Fostering Agency Families and Residential Care.
HOW TO BE A FOSTER CARER
Before you get approved, you will be asked to participate in a thorough assessment process with a fostering service that typically lasts four to six months.
You will be asked for your views on a range of topics, including parenting, equality, religion, sex and disciplining children, to ensure you are suitable to look after a vulnerable child, and the fostering service may ask to see your bank statements, credit card bills and mortgage or tenancy agreements.
If the council team accepts you, you will then be asked to complete a free training course as part of the assessment process.
The training focuses on the practical skills you will need as a foster carer and examines why vulnerable or traumatised children may exhibit challenging behaviour, and how best to assess and sensitively respond to their needs.
This is the link to the website for information on fostering and how people can sign up to be a foster carer https://www.westberks.gov.uk/fostering
The family placement team at West Berkshire matches the child with the foster carer.
